Welcome back to Unfiltered with Love. I'm your host, Carrie Love. I've been thinking recently about my past relationships, and something really stood out to me. Every person I've walked away from, I still loved at the time. And that realization got me thinking because I think sometimes we assume that when a relationship ends, it's because the love is gone. But that hasn't always been my experience. Sometimes the love is still there, but something deeper is telling you that it's not right or not sustainable or not working anymore. I think that one of the hardest things to accept is that love by itself isn't always enough. You can love someone deeply and still feel unsettled. You can love someone and still feel tired. You can love someone and still know quietly that something isn't working. And I also think it's important to recognize that love, especially being in love, isn't just a feeling. It's a choice. It's a conscious decision every day to choose that person, to choose that relationship, and to choose growth together. Because love that lasts requires intention. It requires showing up, choosing each other even when it's not always easy. And when you find yourself no longer able to make that choice or feeling unsure about making that choice, that's something worth paying attention to. And choosing yourself in those moments doesn't usually happen in some dramatic way. It's often quiet, it's subtle, a slow realization that you want peace, steadiness, something that doesn't feel like emotional highs and lows. Over time, I've learned to recognize certain patterns. I've learned to pay attention to how I feel, not just in good moments, but the quiet ones. And I've also learned to pay attention to my body because your body tells you a lot. In some of my past relationships, my nervous system was constantly out of whack. I didn't feel calm, I felt anxious and unsettled and on edge. Even when things seemed okay on the surface, something inside me didn't feel grounded. And I think sometimes we overlook that. We try to talk ourselves into things, we we try to justify and focus on the good things. But your body often knows before your mind is ready to admit it. Because when you're in something that feels healthy, there's a sense of calm and steadiness and peace. And over time I realized that emotional steadiness, calm, and consistency were actually what I was craving. Not the roller coaster, not the uncertainty, not the chaos, just peace. Something else I've learned is that sometimes you grow in a relationship and the other person doesn't grow with you. You start to expand and become more self-aware. You begin doing the healing and the reflection and the inner work. And sometimes the other person just isn't in the same place as you. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're a bad person and it doesn't mean that they don't care, but you begin to feel a distance forming, almost like a deep ravine, because you're changing and they're not. And sometimes when challenges arise, people are able to grow together. They're willing to do the work, to look inward and to evolve, but other times they're not. Sometimes they're not ready or not interested, or they're just simply not capable at that moment. And that's incredibly hard because you can still love someone and still realize that they can't meet you where you are. I've also realized something about myself in past relationships. I'm someone who naturally wants to take care of people. I don't like hurting people. And in some of my past relationships, I stayed longer than I should have. Not because it was right, but because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I was trying to protect them. But in doing that, I was hurting myself. And that's when I had to really sit with the idea that I couldn't be a martyr of myself for the rest of my life. Staying in relationships that weren't a good fit, just to avoid hurting someone else. Because that's not fair to either person. It's not fair to me and not fair to them. Because if you're staying out of guilt or fear or obligation, you're not fully showing up in the relationship anyway. And that realization was hard, but it was also freeing. I think the hardest part is when you realize all of this and you still love the person. Because walking away when you're angry or hurt or resentful is one thing. Walking away while you still care, while you still see the good in them, while you still love them, that's something entirely different. And there's another layer to this too. You also have to think about the other person. If you know deep down that something isn't working, and you know you're unsettled and you know it's not right, are you really doing right by them by staying? Because sometimes we think staying is the kinder choice, but sometimes staying means holding someone in something that isn't fully right for either of you. And that's hard to admit, because people often think leaving is the harder path. I once saw something that really stayed with me. It said, marriage is hard, divorce is hard, choose your hard. And I think the same applies to relationships. Staying is hard, leaving is hard, choose your hard. Something else I want to say because I think this is important. When I say I've walked away from people while still loving them, that doesn't mean I stayed in love with them forever. Over time, something shifts. You gain distance, you gain clarity, you grow. You still care about them as a person, you still appreciate the time you shared, but that in-love feeling fades, and that's okay. In closing, I just want to say choosing yourself isn't always loud. Sometimes it's just a quiet decision to want peace, to want growth, to want something steady. And sometimes it's the most loving thing that you can do for both of you. In my next episode, I'll be joined by Teresa Blackburn, a licensed therapist and author who brings a very unique perspective to conversations about intimacy and relationships. Teresa spent seven years working as a stripper in the early 2000s, and her experiences led her through toxic relationships and eventually into a deeper understanding of unconscious patterns and healing. Together we'll talk about casual intimacy versus deeper connection and what it really means to share yourself with someone on a more meaningful and even soul level. I'm really looking forward to sharing that conversation with you. This is Unfiltered with Love. I'm your host, Carrie Love, and I'm really glad you're here.