SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Unfiltered with Love. I'm your host, Carrie Love. Let's get into today's conversation. So today I'm talking with Lucrezia, the Empowered Muse, and I came across her postings on Instagram, and I really liked where she was coming from. I thought that her posts actually talked about and described everything that I had been thinking. She put into words my thoughts. So I said to her, you have to come on my show as a guest. So welcome, Lucrezia. She's in Italy right now. It's pretty nice that we can hook up and find a time that suited us both. So anyway, the post that I found was called Analysis of Modern Dating. And she says there's a pandemic in dating right now. And it didn't start with apps, it started with us. So Lucrezia, can you talk a little bit about your post and what your topics and what you talk about on your Instagram?

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Hi, Carrie. Thank you for having me as your host for this podcast. Yeah, well, what I think is that today, like these days, uh, we are in a full dating crisis. And both men and women are messing up with dating, and uh the crisis itself has uh its roots, not in what we've been thinking, like apps, technology. It's far deeper than that. It's uh it's not even the options, the algorithm. What we went through is an evolution, a cultural evolution, where men have been staying the same, while women during generations and during history evolved up till now, and now we have men who are used to become husbands, let's say, and women who weren't used to have money, for example, independence, the right to vote, the right to think, the right to speak up, and now here we are with all these beautiful rights, and we still can't choose a man in most cases, and we build up standards, but in most of the cases they're just barriers, so we push away the right people, we try to stay feminine and open, but then we become too naive and opening the doors to the wrong man again. And the same are doing men because they don't know what to expect at this point, because everything is changing, and they have to change too at some point, and so here we are in a beautiful dating pandemic.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Yes, uh, and I agree with you a hundred percent. And it it's hard because we've been pushed out of different roles, of course, the traditional roles, and and there's nothing wrong with, you know, I'm of course I'm happy for all the the rights and everything that women have gotten this far, but it has definitely had an effect on the dynamic between men and women, and especially dating now has been really difficult. And you see this a lot online. It seems like there's not a lot of authenticity, people lack authenticity.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Yeah, I agree with that. Authenticity and depth, everything is kept surface level, but I wouldn't say this is just related to dating. This is just general. People are not reading anymore, people are not thinking with their own head anymore, they're just scrolling and say, oh, this is nice, I can make it mine, but what you make yours, it's not yours. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Yeah, I agree. It's affected everything. And I find even when I'm out places, because I do tend to go really deep with things, and that can be difficult and very uncomfortable for people, you know, to relate to for me to relate to them and for them to relate to me. I find that difficult as well. I want to look back again at some of the things that we talked about in your post. Like, for example, you talk about people with half presence. They're there, but they're not there. And I've experienced that as well in my previous marriage. My ex-husband was present, but he wasn't present. His present by body, but not in mind.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Yeah, related relating to the dating state, that is much, much different than marriage, of course. Uh, this is more related to options. Like, okay, I keep you there, but maybe I'm waiting for another a better fit to come up, and in case I put more effort in the better fit. And I see this in both women and men doing this kind of game, let's say, I don't know if it's conscious or not. And so they're not there because now we tend to focus on ourselves a lot, more than uh I would say some decades ago. So now my well-being is in the center, which is good to some extent, but when it comes to relationship, I was discussing that with my boyfriend though, uh a few days back. You you should put aside a little bit your ego because the benefit of the relationship sometimes should come first if you want it to work. Sure. Uh yeah, and not so many people are able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

No, and and do you feel like I feel it's a lack of consideration for others? It's almost like they've not they don't think about the other person, it's totally focused on themselves.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

I don't know if it's lack of consideration or also not very high emotional intelligence. We talk a lot about emotional intelligence right now. It's difficult to define it. I'm not an expert on this, but um we we're not made just by words. Actually, in in the romantic communication, words are not the best communication at all. Like misunderstandings or things I say that I didn't want to say, or stuff like that. But what we don't say and we read by the face or we feel it's much more powerful than just words, and I think this uh this is what emotional communication is also made of.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Yes. I agree with you, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

And people cannot use that because they are they're going down just with logic, it's like ah goes to be. But when it comes to human relationships, it's not A goes to B. Even if I wish, because as a scientist, that would be amazing for me.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Yeah, and what um, and maybe since you say that, it's a good time to discuss your background and how you got involved in this topic and subject.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Well, yeah, I am a scientist for a living. I have a PhD in food chemistry, and I'm a spectrometrist. I don't know how many people will understand this term, but I will not uh dig into it because uh that's not what we're here for. We're here for love. And of course, my love life hasn't been perfect, but I managed to understand a lot of things. I've been in a very unhealthy relationship for 13 years, that was basically all my adult life and part of my teenage years because now I'm 31. And stepping out of that relationship was so hard, and then of course, I bumped uh into uh what we call in Italian malessere, uh which is a kind of man you can easily find outside that is a player that ghosts, um, gives hot and cold behavior, uh, treats you like a princess one day and like a stranger the day after, and you're like, what the fuck is happening here? And for me, that I was completely new to the dating world because imagine a 28 years old uh girl with zero dating experience, I was like, What the hell is this? And so I studied because that's what scientists do, they study what they don't know, so I kept studying and studying and studying, and I was like, nope, no way this is happening to me again, and women, women, girl, we have to wake up and and um fuck off this kind of men because they're not women. I agree. And so I I started uh I was already, but I started working on myself a lot to be like, why am I attracting this kind of man in my life? Why am I this suitable for unhealthy things? No, I want something that is has nothing to do with that. And uh I don't know, some something in my head just clicked. I decided that that was enough. And then I met my boyfriend who is a real man, uh, who is consistent, who is trustworthy, he's amazing. We are really building like a relationship that is worth to have it, because in this generation of women, like we have money, as we said before, we have jobs, we have career, we have everything. We don't really need a man, like everybody needs love, so of course women need love, but they don't need a man like they used to in previous generations where women were dependent on the man. So what's the point? If it's either you have that kind of a relationship, the one I'm choosing for myself, or don't have a relationship at all because why hurting yourself?

SPEAKER_00 11:51

I could talk to you for hours because there's so many things just in what you say that I could I could go off on one tangent and then to another because I totally feel everything that you say. Um I agree a hundred percent and so many levels. So it's very difficult for me to ask and talk about what I want to talk about next because I feel like there's so much to talk about, so many things here. But and do you think that, you know, you talk about meeting your boyfriend and he is that? Do you feel that that's a rarity? Do you feel that there are a lot of people out there who are authentic and consistent, or do you feel like it's hard to find that?

SPEAKER_01 12:31

So I feel most of the women think that there are no good men out there. I don't know much about the male perspective, but I can feel because I have male friends from different cultures due to my PhD. Uh and like for them, it's difficult to find a woman who is feminine. Not feminine in terms of submissive, but in terms of uh who can receive masculinity. And I talk about this in my book because I would say our generation of women, we are embracing independency, excluding this part of receiving, and they're not two different things, like they are both two truths that can coexist. Like I am independent, but I still can receive uh masculinity, I can receive help, and I actually understand now that I am able to receive this kind of uh energy help, uh, whatever word you want to use. And it's a benefit for me. So why not have it? And it's a benefit also from the man for the man.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

And that's been hard because women have been put in this position where they have to be strong all the time, and they're they're carrying the load. And so to remove yourself from that and then be open to receive and allow someone to help you is extremely difficult because we've been put in this position where we're you know carrying.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

And again, with men still carrying a lot, and we still need to fight this, but also I would say inspire it because sometimes we are I I see it from like previous generation, maybe my mother or people in their 60s mainly, uh, married women who just take the lead. Okay, my husband can do that or is not doing it the way I want him to do it, I do it myself. Yes, I understand it, but it doesn't work because you're removing from him the responsibility and also the effort that he's trying to put in doing whatever he he's doing, and that gets into talking about dependency and being independent, then being dependent on someone.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

And lately the word that I've been using, and I think this is the word that a lot of people are going to, is interdependence. You want a relationship that's interdependent. Yeah. So you're not totally dependent on somebody else. And I've done a lot of different podcasts in the past, and I've talked before about needing. I think that it's okay to need someone. You're allowed to need someone. Yeah, that's human connection, is to need each other. And I feel like the people have almost made it like that it it's not you're not allowed to need anyone. You know, you're not allowed to feel that vulnerable to need anyone, but that's human connection. So I'm not saying need them to the point where you can't survive without the person, but you're allowed to have needs.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Both people can need each other without being dependent.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Yeah, I agree totally.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

As I said, we could talk forever about all this stuff, and we probably will have to have to have a couple more conversations at some point. But the last slide in your posts talks about the cure. And what do you think about the cure for these things? What can we do? How are we going to um correct this? Because I I do feel like this is a problem. This is a problem on a large scale with people relating to one another.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Yeah, so speaking from woman to woman, like because I I often uh hear people, yeah, but you talk just about the woman's perspective. Yes, it's my perspective, sorry. But yeah, for me, like women, I know we're tired. We are tired to carry, to carry the load, to carry the things, to eventually teach men. But I think since I believe it's the course of evolution, we're not like we're here, we're not at the point where we can have all the tables turned. We need to get there, right? So what we can do now from my perspective is uh believing in our own own worth and choosing we should start really choosing our man precisely not just out of feelings, but out of uh compatibility, which is emotional compatibility, energetic compatibility, compatibility about the values you have, about the type of relationship you want to build. Because I see people that oh yes, my real man has these qualities and their surface level qualities. No girl, you need to know what kind of relationship you want, and then you find your man, not the way around. You can't find the man and then let feelings decide what kind of relationship you're going to have, because that's gonna be a hell.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

Yes, and I've learned a lot too from my relationships that you can love someone, yeah. You can really, really love someone, but if you're not compatible, it's not all about love. People think, well, love can do anything, you can love someone and it'll handle everything, but it doesn't, and that's very hard. And I've had to walk away from relationships that I love the person, but it just was not a good compatibility fit, which is extremely difficult.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

Yeah, it is. Yeah, love is not enough. Love is not enough, or at least not love the feeling.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Yes, yes, has to be actions as well, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Yeah, it has to be and also the willingness from both the people to reach to the same level.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Yes, because it's no good one person reaching, one person caring the whole connection.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

Yeah. So for me carrying from woman to woman, it's like we need to wake up and really decide the type of man we want by our side. But to build the type of relationship we want, not just uh to have a man or to feel loved. Because uh you can give love to yourself, you are allowed to, you should do it actually.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

And that's the first step, isn't it? To love yourself. Yeah, for sure. It is for sure. I think this has been a really great conversation. I have really enjoyed having you here, and I hope that we can talk again when you come on again.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Thank you for loving me.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Okay, I I hope you come on again. I bet we have a lot more things to talk about. Yeah. And I will put up posts to your page because I know you have some books that you wrote and you are selling. So if you want to talk about that, yeah, really.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

I wrote up a book about that. It's called The Evolution and Revival of Feminine Power. Uh, it's an a wake-up call book, I would say, that will bring you uh a little bit through history. I revised very quickly, of course, not in a boring way, how the history course of women's evolution went from matriarchal societies to our days, how women changed in an evolutive point of view. And what are we doing now? Because yeah, now we are the strong independent women, we tend to do everything by ourselves, but this is counterproductive, and what I call it it's the superwoman syndrome. Yeah, like you want to make. It's all because you want to do it uh everything your own way, but uh this is not partnership when it comes to relationship. Like for example like my partner is not good at folding clothes That's very yeah that that's that could be okay. I left him. No way I'm doing it it uh at his place. No way, okay, fold it your way, fine, you do it. Uh yeah yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

It is partnership for sure, and that's what everybody I think is really looking for when it comes down to it.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

Exactly, and then there's the last section of the book where I uh give you another perspective of how this evolution should go on for women uh so they really get the win, so they don't feel activated all the time and they can't relax in their feminine energy while thriving at work and in their relationship too. And then I wrote uh some a texting guide because I see some women texting men like no take care of let's have things handled, like because I know it could sound a little bit too much, but I can make any man fall in love with me, and I can make any man get to the goal I want if I text him a certain way. It's super easy. Once you learn it, you can unlearn it.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

Oh, everyone needs to buy the book for sure.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

No, it's like seriously, you want to to have a certain result, you need to apply the correct method. Like I I use it at work in while I develop methods, and this applies perfectly uh to these kind of things as well.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

Yeah, yeah, that is difficult because we are in a texting world right now, so a lot of these things start with texting, and that has become very difficult for me because I was married for so long and I didn't have the texting and dating when I was first married. So it's been it's been a learning experience to say the least.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Yeah, exactly. And then I have a free blueprint for dating apps, and uh that that one is really useful and it's completely free, so anyone can download it and uh please do it because uh it will save you a lot of uh wrong swipes.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

For sure. I know, and I've heard the stories. I've not been on dating apps. I can say I've not been, but I have heard all the stories from friends. It doesn't sound like it's a very fun experience.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

Oh, it is it is very funny if you know how to use it. I met my boyfriend on a dating app.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

Okay, yeah, good yeah. So you get to know what you're doing. Yeah, I know. They the the st I just hear the horror stories of people showing up and you know, they just looking for a hookup, not really anything but substantial.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Can detect them very, very easily just by their looks, and then a couple of texts, and I know already where he's going, so I can filter him out. Yeah, no, seriously, when you enter uh the mindset, you you can't just it it becomes obvious, you know? Uh another anecdote I use is like we're in a world full of zircons with a very few diamonds. But what if you could perfectly distinguish a zircon from a diamond? You don't get fooled again, right? Because you know how to do it. Yeah, it's the very same thing.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

And you being the scientist background too, you're probably a lot like me. I'm really good at reading patterns. I see patterns, I start to see the pattern, and then then that's it. I then I can't unsee it. So it's that's difficult. So, like you say, once you know it, you know it. Yeah, that's it. Agree. Well, thank you so much for coming on today. Thank you. And it was lovely to meet you finally. Yeah. Um, I hope we can do this again sometime soon. Of course. Okay. Absolutely. Thank you very much. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Before I go, I just want to say thank you for being here with me through season two. This season has taken me into some conversations I didn't necessarily expect to have when I started it. We've talked about identity, healing, boundaries, independence, vulnerability, loneliness, connection, relationships, and a lot of the questions that come up when you're trying to figure out who you are and how you want to live. And I think that's what I've loved most about this season. I haven't had all the answers. A lot of the time I've been figuring things out right alongside you. And today's conversation feels like a really fitting place to close this chapter. So I'm going to take a little break before season three, not disappearing, not going anywhere, just giving myself a little space to live, think, have some experiences, and see what conversations want to come next. It's the best episodes usually come from something real. Something that makes me stop, makes me question what I thought I knew. And I want to give myself room for that. So thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing these conversations with me. Thank you for sending me messages, sharing episodes, and letting me know when something I said made you think. I appreciate it more than you probably realize. And before I go, I think the question I want to leave you with at the end of this season is what are you discovering about yourself right now that you didn't know when this season began? Sit with that one for a little while. Until season three, keep asking good questions, keep being curious, and most importantly, keep showing up as yourself. This is Unfiltered with Love. I'm your host, Carrie Love, and I'll see you soon.