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Welcome back to Unfiltered with Love.

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I'm your host, Carrie Love, and I'm so glad you're here. And welcome to season three. I took a little break between seasons because I wanted to give myself some space to Yeah, here we go. I took a little break between seasons because I wanted to give myself some space to live a little, think a little, have some experiences, and just see what conversations wanted to come next. And apparently the first conversation that I wanted to come next was stagnation. Very uplifting way to start a new season. But honestly, this is where I am right now. Not with my entire life. I don't feel like my whole life is stagnant, but there are certain parts of it that have felt stuck for far too long. And recently I posted something on Facebook about that. I said there comes a point where being told to keep going starts to feel ridiculous. Because I have been going for years. I've tried, I've changed things, I've had conversations and taken risks, made plans, I've prayed, waited, tried to be patient, worked on myself, done what I could do, tried to move forward. And I think sometimes we get so used to this idea that if something in our lives isn't changing, there must be something else we need to do. What am I missing? What haven't I healed? What decision haven't I made? What action haven't I taken? What lesson have I apparently failed to learn? And sometimes there probably is something we can do. And sometimes I think we reach a point where we actually have done what we can do. And the things that still need to move depend on things outside of us. Another person, someone else's decision, money, timing, an opportunity, circumstances. And that is such a frustrating place to be. Especially if you're somebody who likes to solve things. And I am very much somebody who wants to figure things out. I'm a doer. I like to do. Okay, what do I do? What's the plan? What's the next step? How do I fix this? So there are some things you cannot force. You cannot make another person make a decision. You cannot manufacture an opportunity. You can't magically create money that isn't there. You can't control timing. And eventually you start thinking, okay, so what am I supposed to do now?

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Because if I've already done everything constructive that I know how to do, what's left?

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And that's where your brain can start going to extremes. Sell it, end it, leave, shut it down, walk away, blow the whole thing up. And that's funny because I remember I've said to my friends sometimes, like, I just I just want something to happen.

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Blow the whole thing up.

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Which reminds me, I remember saying one time to somebody like, I just want to light a match and just blow it all up. Because not necessarily because I actually wanted to destroy parts of my life, but because at least destruction is movement. And when you felt stagnant for so long, almost any movement can start to feel preferable to standing still. That was really what I was trying to say in that Facebook post. And what was interesting was the reaction to it. Some people started sending me private messages because they were concerned. And I appreciated that, I really did, but I also found myself explaining, I'm okay, I'm frustrated, there's a difference. I wasn't saying my whole life was falling apart, I wasn't saying I was about to make some dramatic decision. I was just saying out loud what it feels like when certain parts of your life have been stagnant for a long time. And I think people sometimes get uncomfortable when you put yourself out there that way.

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Once you've gotten through it. Once there's a lesson, once there's a neat little comfortable with vulnerability once it's been packaged.

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Once you've gotten through it, and there's a lesson, once there's a neat little inspirational quote at the end. We like, here's the difficult thing I went through, and here are the five things I learned. That's comfortable. But when somebody says, I'm frustrated, I'm tired, I don't know what to do with this anymore, I don't have the answer yet, people don't always know where to put that. People don't always know where to put that. And I started thinking maybe we're much more comfortable with polished vulnerability. We like honesty once it's had we like honesty once it has a conclusion, but real life doesn't always give you the conclusion right away. Sometimes you're speaking from the middle of it, and that's what I was doing. And I was talking to a friend recently, and I said something like, Sometimes I just want to go into my room, get into bed, curl up in the fetal position, and just stay there. And I started laughing when I said it, and he goes, That's pretty dark. And I was like, I don't mean it in a dark way, but maybe it is a little dark because life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Feelings aren't always pretty. Feelings aren't always pretty, and I'm not always positive. My life isn't perfect, I'm not perfect. Things don't always feel hopeful. And I think sometimes we're so uncomfortable admitting that that we immediately try to fix it. Don't think like that. Stay positive. Everything happens for a reason, just keep going. And sometimes I don't need a positive quote. Sometimes I just need to be able to say, this is really hard right now. That doesn't mean I've given up. It means I'm human. And interestingly, I got another kind of response to that Facebook post, too. I had people messaging me and saying, I had people message me and say, I really identified with that. I knew exactly what you meant. I've been feeling the same way. And those messages mattered to me because that's one of the reasons I put out there. Because that's one of the reasons I put things out there in the first place. Not because everybody needs to know every detail of my life, but because sometimes one person saying something out loud gives somebody else permission to go, oh, okay, I'm not the only one.

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Maybe we don't always have to wait until we've solved something before we talk about it.

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Sometimes the conversation itself is part of how we understand it. And there's another piece of this I've been learning recently. Sometimes things get so hard that I pray to God and I'm not even asking for some huge miracle. I'm asking for movement, for help. Sometimes I'm asking for mercy, like, please, something has to give here. Please move something. Please show me what I'm supposed to do. Please help me understand what I've supposed to. Please help me understand what I'm supposed to do with this. And recently I learned there's actually a word for that, lament. I don't know why I never really understood that before. I knew people grieved, I knew people prayed when they were hurting, but I didn't understand lamenting as its own thing. And from what I'm understanding, and from what I'm learning, lament isn't the absence of faith. It's bringing the pain, frustration, grief, confusion, even anger directly to God instead of pretending you don't feel it. And I found that fascinating. So I started doing a Bible study on the book of Job because I wanted to understand that better. What does it look like to remain in a relationship with God when you don't understand what is happening? When you're frustrated and hurting, when you've been patient and you've prayed and you're still waiting. Job doesn't spend the whole story smiling and saying everything is wonderful. He suffers. He questions and grieves. He says things that are uncomfortable, and yet he is still in relationship with God through it. And yet he is still in a relationship with God through it. And I think there's something really meaningful in that for me right now. Maybe faith doesn't always sound like I know everything is going to work out. Sometimes faith sounds like, God, I don't understand this. I'm tired. I need help. Please move something. Please show me what I'm supposed to do. And maybe saying those things isn't a failure of faith. Maybe that is faith. Because you're still bringing it to God. Because you're still bringing it to God. And that's where I want. And that's where I think there's a really important direction. And that's where I think there's a real. And that's where I think there's a really important distinction. There's a difference between hopelessness and honesty. Between giving up and admitting that you're tired, between losing faith and lamenting because you still have faith. And maybe we need more room for all of that. Which brings me back to the question I've been sitting with. How do you know the difference between something that requires patience and something that has simply stopped moving? That's hard. Because patience is good, and perseverance is good, faith is good, commitment is good. But I also don't think any of those things mean we're supposed to sit indefinitely in circumstances that are no longer moving. So when is waiting wise? And when is waiting fear?

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When is staying?

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When is staying commitment? And when is staying stagnation? When does keep going actually mean yes, keep going? And when does it mean you're banging on a door that simply isn't opening?

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I don't know.

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That's very That's the very unsatisfying answer. I'm still figuring that out. But I do think our bodies sometimes know things before our minds do.

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But I do think our bodies sometimes know things before. But I do think our bodies sometimes know things before our minds do, and that makes something else happen.

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And that makes something else happening in my life right now kind of interesting. I started back with my embodiment coaching class this week, and what we're working on right now is breath work, which feels almost comically appropriate. Here I am talking about feeling stuck, wanting movement, wanting answers, wanting something to change. And apparently, my assignment right and apparently my assignment right now is breathe. But I'm actually really curious about it because breathing is something we do all day without thinking about it. And yet when you intentionally slow it down, you start noticing things.

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You notice tension, what your body is doing, where you're holding things, how uncomfortable it can be, how uncomfortable it can actually be just to be still.

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And I'm interested to see what I learned from it. Because maybe not, because maybe not every next step starts with some huge dramatic decision. Maybe sometimes the first thing you need is enough space to hear yourself. You breathe, you stop pushing for a minute, you notice what keeps, you notice what keeps coming up, you pay attention to where you feel alive and where you feel depleted. And maybe that gives you information. Not necessarily an answer, but information. And I think that connects really naturally to something else I've been working on. I've started creating an unfiltered retreat called Return to Yourself. I've started creating an unfiltered retreat called Return to Yourself. And one of the biggest reasons I wanted to do this was because I feel like connection is really lacking now. And one of the biggest reasons I wanted to do this is because I feel like connection is really lacking right now. Not just romantic connection, connection between people, a sense of belonging, feeling like you're actually part of something instead of just moving through life surrounded by people still feeling disconnected. I've gone to retreats before where everything was really structured and you just move from one module to the next, and it was fine, but I didn't always feel that deeper sense of belonging. I didn't always feel like there was space to really connect. And I wanted this to feel different. I wanted it to be intentional. I want women to feel cared for and to feel seen and to feel like they can exhale a little. Like they're not just attending something, like they're part of it. That's really important to me. So Return to Yourself is going to be a small, intentionally limited retreat for women. It's taking place at the gorgeous La Playa Beach and Golf Resort in Naples, Florida, right on Vanderbilt Beach. And I'm limiting the number of women because I don't want this to become a room full of people simply moving through a schedule together. I want there to be enough space for us to actually know one another, to connect, to create the sense of belonging I keep talking about. So if you're listening and thinking, this sounds like something I need, I wouldn't wait too long to reserve your place. Once those spaces are filled, that's it. And because you're part of the Unfiltered With Love community, I wanted to offer podcast listeners something special. Use the code LOVE100 when you register and you'll receive $100 off your retreat registration. I'll also put I'll also put that code in the episode description so you don't have to remember it. And over the next several weeks, I'm going to be talking more about the retreat here on the podcast. I'll share more about what we're creating, what I hope women will experience when they're there, and I'll also be bringing some of the retreat facilitators onto the show as guests so you can get to know them before we're even before we even get to know them before we even get there. Because I don't want this to feel like some random event I'm promoting. I want it to feel connected to everything we've been talking about here. Connection, belonging, rest, reflection, being cared for, space to breathe, space to hear yourself, and maybe in the middle of all that, and maybe in the middle of all of that, returning to yourself. I don't want women to simply attend this retreat. I don't want women to simply attend this retreat. I want them to feel like they belong there. And maybe that's part of what I'm learning about stagnation too. Feeling stagnant doesn't necessarily mean I have to immediately burn everything down. Although France remains an option. Because yes, at some point you may just say F it and move to France. I'm keeping that one on board. But seriously, maybe feeling stagnant doesn't always mean changing everything today. Maybe it means paying attention and acknowledging that something doesn't feel right anymore, stopping the constant pressure to have the answer and being willing to admit I've done what I can do here. Now I have to see what happens next. And that can be incredibly uncomfortable. Especially for those of us who like to do something. But maybe that's part of the work too. Before I go, before I go, I want to give you a little heads up about next week's episode. It's going to be a very different conversation. I'll be joined by a guest who is going to talk with me about domestic violence. We'll be talking about her experience, abusive relationships, and some of the things people on the outside may not understand about what is actually.

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But maybe that's part of the work too.

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Before I go, I want to give you a little heads up about next week's episode. It's going to be a very different conversation. I'll be joined by a guest who is going to talk with me about domestic violence. We'll be talking. I'll be joined by a guest who is going to talk with me about domestic violence. We'll be talking about her experience, abusive relationships, and some of the things people on the outside may not understand about what it is that actually looks sit down, Penny.

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Sit, Penny. Come on. Sit. Sit.

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I'll be joined by a guest who's going to talk with me about domestic violence. We'll be talking about her experience, abusive relationships, and some of the actual things people on the outside may not understand about what it is actually like to be inside that kind of situation. It's an important conversation. It may also be a difficult conversation for some listeners, so I wanted to let you know that ahead of time. And I'm very grateful that she's willing to trust me and all of you with her story. So that's how we're starting season three: stagnation, lamenting, breathing, belonging, not having all the answers. Apparently we're easing into things. And before I go, here's the question I want to leave you with. Where in your life are you being patient? And where might you actually be stagnant? And maybe an even harder question. Do you actually need to do something about it right now? Or do you simply need to acknowledge that it's there? I'm sitting with those questions too. Thanks for hanging out with me today. If you enjoyed this conversation, I'd love to hear from you. Send me a message, leave a review, or share this episode with someone who might need it. Until next time, keep asking good questions, keep being curious, and most importantly, keep showing up as yourself. This is Unfiltered with Love. I'm your host, Carrie Love.

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I'll see you next week.