SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Unfiltered with Love. I'm your host, Carrie Love, and I'm so glad you're here. Before we get into today's conversation, I want to give you a little heads up that this episode includes discussions of domestic violence, sexual assault, PTSD, suicide, and mental health. My guest today is Lindsay Drawley, founder of I Stand to End the Stigma, an organization focused on mental health and domestic violence awareness. Lindsay came on to share her story, talk about the experiences that led her to create this organization, and explain why she believes speaking openly about these subjects matters so much. This is a very personal conversation. Lindsay talks openly about trauma, abuse, mental health treatment, PTSD, and some of the experiences that shaped her life and her advocacy. And as always, this isn't about sensationalizing somebody's story. It's about creating space for an honest conversation. Because I think sometimes the subjects that make us the most uncomfortable are exactly the ones we need to be willing to talk about. So please take care of yourself while listening. If you need to pause, step away, or come back to this episode later, do that. And with that, let's get into today's conversation. So today I'm here with Lindsay. And Lindsay, would you like to introduce yourself and tell us why you're here today?

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Yes, I'm Lindsay Drawley, and I'm with the organization I Stand to End the Stigma. I'm here today to talk about mental health and domestic violence. That's what we focus on, domestic violence awareness.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Glad to have you here. So can you tell me a little bit about the organization, how you got started?

SPEAKER_01 1:37

I'm gonna tell you my story because this is how it all began. Back in February, I hit rock bottom. I wrote my mom a letter that I didn't want to be here anymore because I was having so much bad PTSD. And right there and then she prayed over me, God, please turn my daughter's pain into purpose. And then after that, I went to a mental health facility. When I went there, I met a bunch of people. The first person was a tech. I told him where I lived. And I said, they don't have anything like I'm looking for. He's like, you're gonna have to build it, Lindsay. It's not gonna be easy, but you can do it. Then I met another young gentleman. He was 18 years old. He had self-harm wounds all over. That means he had cuts all over for those who don't know. He told me he did 11 treatments of TMS. And after the 11th one, his insurance cut him off. That stuck with me. Then I met another gentleman who I told him as soon as I get out, I want to help as many people as I can. He's like, Lindsay, you're gonna have to own it. He looked me in the eyes. You're gonna have to own you were in a mental health facility. That took me back a little bit because I was like, wow, I just don't know if I wasn't ashamed. I was just scared of the stigma. So then after that, I graduated to the PHP house. That's um partial impatient house. So that's where I met him. He was one of the funniest guys I've ever met. Like he was just funny. He had a loud, obnoxious laugh. We all laughed when we heard that laugh coming. He was 21 years old. We both shared our stories. I told him about my PTSD. He told me about his mental health and addiction. And um then after I got out, about a week or so later, I got a text message from the group. We we created a group that he had died by suicide. And I went to his awake and um I remember seeing his mom and just hugging her and saying he's with our father in heaven, and his and his mom took a look at me and she was kind of shocked that I said that. And I think that's because the stigma as well. I just felt it that day. And then the next day I started saying, end the stigma. Let's, you know, I started saying I I I knew I couldn't be quiet anymore. A fire had woken up in me. I said, I have to, we have to, this isn't okay. We have to let people know it's okay not to be okay. Getting help is one of the strongest things you can do. So I started running on the treadmill. I started just being really loud about mental health. And then another company reached out to me because I started messaging businesses and they said, What if you changed it to I stand to end the stigma? And I thought, what a great idea. Because everybody has been saying end the stigma forever. We're not even close. Our biggest joke with the facility is who knows you're here? We were all scared to tell someone, not because we were ashamed of getting help, because the world. And then after that, I finally talked about my PTSD and where that came from. I said I had been sexually assaulted four times. And I realized I needed to add domestic violence awareness in there as well. And that's what I did. And that's when I also wanted to create a domestic violence loudwalk.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

And I thank you for coming forward today and sharing your story because I think it's really important to do that because a lot of times I think people stay silent and don't give their backgrounds and history. And um, there's other people out there that can benefit from your strength in coming forward. So I thank you for being a guest on my podcast today. And I agree with you, as we've talked before, I've been in mental health myself working previously at a mental health facility. So I'm a huge advocate for mental health. I'm gonna have some mental health issues in my family. And as we spoke previously, everybody could use mental health help. I mean, anybody who says that they're don't need mental health help is just not really looking at themselves because everybody could use it. And we did talk a little bit, you and I before this, about how there is a stigma to it. I've been going to see a therapist now for probably six or seven years. Um, started when I was having trouble with my ex-husband and started, I went to couples therapy and and then we did individual therapy. And so I've been seeing my therapist for about seven years now. And I remember when I first started going, it was almost like, don't say you're in therapy. Don't say you have a therapist. And yeah, and I thought, I don't care. I think everybody should have a therapist. If you haven't had one already, you really should. So I'm not afraid to say that. I I mean, I'm not a perfect person and life is hard. And it's so interesting that you just brought that up about you started with, you know, how you felt and your mother praying to God. And that's that really hits me hard because I just my last episode was just about stagnation and about lamenting to God, praying to God for mercy and for help. So the fact that you mentioned that, I think is it's really like kind of, you know, on point and appropriate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

So He's really been in all this, like I can feel it, you know. Yes, like Sundays, you know, we just always like for my um organization, we leave it and we say Sundays for God. For praying for those in mental health issues, suicide awareness, um, those who can't afford treatment, or domestic violence awareness as well. That's such a big one, too. And there's even a bigger stigma on that one. It breaks my heart. People deserve to be heard.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Sure. And would you like to tell your story on that subject? Now, today. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

I, you know, I really would. I feel like you've been wonderful, Carrie. I really appreciate your kindness.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Thank you. Well, I appreciate you, as I said, telling your story. I think it's important. So I'm happy to give you a platform for your voice.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Thank you so much. I appreciate that. I know and I know you won't censor me.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

No, sorry. I'm not gonna censor you. That's why we're unfiltered with love, Lindsay.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

I know, I love that. Exactly. So um honestly, I so how it started is I'm gonna go back to the beginning, if that's okay. Sure. I've always been told that I have a learning disability. Um, and that's really affected me, meaning, like, I always wanted to fit in, and even sometimes it was the wrong people, the wrong friends. I'll never forget when I was in like um high school, a teacher said, You would be better off getting your GED. He said this in front of everyone. I was so embarrassed. And I just started um dating men who were just abusive. They would yell, they would throw things, they were controlling, they would tell me to that my family was bad, they would just isolate me, and it was really bad. And so, because of that, um always wanting to fit in, I I ignored red flags. So I'm just I'm not gonna name names, I'm not gonna name dates to protect myself, and it's also not about trying to get revenge. That's not who I am. I'm just trying to create awareness. And if anybody's been through what I've been through, I just want you to know you are not alone. God can turn your pain into purpose. Now I'm gonna tell you about my story. So I have been sexually assaulted four times throughout my life. The first was I was a teenager and I had been drinking and I said no. And then the second time I I'm not gonna like say the ages, I'm too nervous about that, but um once again I said um I said no, and I I'm I'm not gonna go into too many details because I don't want to get flashbacks. Um and then one of these people did it twice and um I froze, but I said no twice. And I actually I dated him after. And before anybody judges, I want you to consider what happens when a woman gets hit and goes back to that person. We have to realize and have sometimes that can happen when someone is sexually assaulted, sadly. Luckily, I've gotten so much therapy with this, and this has really helped me um carry it. I like to say carry it because I feel like healing is so much pressure. So I just say I learn how to carry it. You know, it's like if um if you get a burn, you still have that burn, but you, you know, you wrap the burn, you put ointment on the burn, and you still carry it, you know. And that's what I've had to learn how to do. I still have PTSD, you know, to this day. It's it's hard, nightmares, you know, but I'm working through it. I have a great counselor. She's helped me. She's instead of just telling her story over and over, she's like getting to the core wound of things. And it's been beautiful. I've never heard anyone say that. You know, there's so many counselors that just scratch open the wound, but she's like, no, we gotta find out what it is. And she said, Lindsay, it's a rejection wound. And I said, Yeah, that makes so much sense. And I realized it started, you know, when I was younger, feeling because I learned differently. And she taught me to say learn differently. Don't say learning disability, don't label yourself like that. And that's really helped me as well.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Well, uh, just hearing you say all these things is just so um touches me to my heart because I feel exactly what you're saying, and I I agree with you 100%. And getting to the core of it because, you know, in and of uh of yourself, at your core, you are whole and you don't need to be fixed. These things are a product of your environment and things that you've had to do to survive that environment. So, but at your core, you are a whole person. And I think a lot of times we forget that. We forget that a lot of these things that we do to survive and how we adapt to survive is not really who we are at our core. So uh think your therapist is right there.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Yeah, she's amazing. I'm just like it took forever to find her, but I'm like, sometimes, you know, God's like, okay, you know, you're gonna be doing this organization, so I'm also gonna send the right person, you know. And it's been great because he's also closed some doors. And it's like one thing I want people to realize is rejection is God's protection.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Mm-hmm. Oh, I agree with that. And we talked earlier because you said about the prayer, you know, please God, remove from my life people that are not for me or not in it with me, and things like that. And there's a lot of times I've said that prayer too, and I think no one gets out. No one, no one who is untrue gets gets through that prayer. Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

No one gets through that prayer. No, he's like answers it right away. It's true. It's up to us. Are we listening when he answers it? Even if it's like, oh sh, you know, covering our ears.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

Sure. Yeah. And I agree with you too. About you, we talk a lot about women, and you know, you'll hear about domestic violence and you'll think, why don't they just leave? But it's just not as easy as that. And it's a trauma bond. It is a trauma bond that is formed.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

And I'm so happy you talked about the trauma bond because that's what I felt like was happening with this person because they were so nice to me, like during and after, because I told you it happened two times with the same person. It was four sexual assaults, three men.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Yep. Yep. And as a mother of two boys, I really, really try to talk with my boys about this subject, as we were talking before about just I have my own opinions on casual sex and things like that, that it's kind of too uh informal. It's not treated as important and serious as it should be. And so I think a lot of people just go around like it's no big deal, but it is a big deal. It is a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

You know, I love that you said that because the world has like made that okay. Like it's okay to do that. You know, it's fine. It's it's a situation ship, like almost cute. It's not. There's attachment involved. People have to really think, what are you doing? You know, even with even if it, yes, someone consents, still there's attachments.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

You know, people the situationships are like almost like the saddest too, because like people get really attached and start falling in love. But then the person might be like, nah, this is situationship.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

And we just gotta stop normalizing this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

I agree. I agree with you.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

But then I love what you said that you're teaching your son because one thing I saw Florida was trying to get a bill passed in 2026 to teach consent at like a younger age, like a decent age, but to teach it in schools. Like in schools, we teach about the birds and the bees, we teach about all that stuff, but we don't teach consent. We need to get consent back in schools. We teach them early, less of it happens, less sexual assault will happen. Not all. I was always raised to be honest, to tell the truth. The golden rule, treat people how you want to be treated. You know, that's what my parents always said to me. My dad would always come into our room. Remember, girls, treat people how you want to be treated. The golden rule. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

And that's how I am. But that also gets back to I've had other episodes about people being authentic. You know, authenticity today is not prevalent. Everybody's prevalent.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

People wear a mask. Yep. Everybody wears that ugly mask. That's what I call it. Like, I just hate that thing. I just wish people would be like, hey, how are you doing? I'm having a really bad day. Today's I'm having PTSD issues. I'm having really bad thoughts. I'm having suicidalization thoughts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Be honest. It's hard though. It's difficult. And when you do when you are honest, yes. And when you are honest, people don't appreciate your honesty. They don't not everybody. There are people that do. You appreciate it. I appreciate it. I I know others that do, of course. But the public in general, they don't want to hear, they don't want to hear about your issues. They want to hear about, you know, so you know, what's the weather like today? Oh, it's beautiful. You know, it's a beautiful day, it's a sunny day, everything's great.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Oh, I know. Yeah, everything's great. Yeah. And it's just like the biggest like, no, you can't, you can't do that. You can't be smiling on the outside while just having such a hard time on the inside. Yes. That's like, think of Robin Williams, like how happy he looked and everything. And he just wasn't. But I do want to tell you, the great thing is, I have been reaching out to businesses, like I said, and asking if they will collab with us, stand with us. And I love it when I get a message, yes, I'll stand with you. It's amazing. Yes. I'm always like, yes, it's so powerful because you know, we can we can definitely do something. Our voices can be heard. Your voice can be heard. You know, you were um allowed to tell your story. You know, I try to say, don't go over three minutes, otherwise, people won't listen. And I want to make sure people are heard. Like I think there's like a like a minute marker on there or 15 to 30 seconds. If like Instagram's kind of funny, you know what I'm saying? So you got to be like cautious with that. But, you know, stand with us with mental health, domestic violence awareness, those who can't afford treatment, suicide awareness, you know. And it's been great because businesses have been saying, yes, we'll stand with you. Yes. Um, I've gotten pushback from people as well. But you know what? I push back even harder in a good way. Like, I'm not gonna stop. I'm not gonna let this take me down. And, you know, like my friend said, Lindsay, you got to be a warrior, you gotta fight. This is gonna be a long road, and we're ready.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Yes. Well, I'm glad you are, and I'm glad you came on today to tell your story. And I just want to say so your organization, you're not a charitable organization yet, but right now your organization is just building awareness. You just want to build awareness for this.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

Yes, we've been having events as well. Um, we've had our first event September 19th, and that went great. 10 people came, 10 people opened up. How amazing is that? Yes. It's never just about numbers, it's about quality, quantity.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

It's all about the personal connection and things like that. Yeah. I think that's great. And I know that you'll probably be doing other things with your organization, but for now, you're just asking people to collab and to stand to end a stigma. And I is there anything else that you would like to say? I know there's other things we need to talk about, but that might be a totally another episode that we have.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

Yeah, I'd like to have you back on and talk about Lindsay. Yeah, yeah, I would love that. Thank you so much, Carrie. Yeah. Well, first I want to thank you for hearing me and just thank you so much. I want to tell my story as much as I can because I know it's gonna help someone out there. And I guess what I want to say is I want to say our slogan. It's okay not to be okay. Getting help is one of the strongest things you can do. Do not let the stigma stop you from getting help. And also, I would love for you to collab with us. Um, follow me on real life with Lindsay D on Instagram. And we accept everyone. We are not a click.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Awesome. Thank you, Lindsay. It's been awesome talking with you today. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

Yeah, thank you so much. Bye-bye. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

Before I go, I just want to say thank you again to Lindsay for being willing to share her story so openly. Conversations like this are not easy. They're not easy to tell, and sometimes they're not easy to hear, but I think they matter. Because one of the things that kept coming up in our conversation was silence. Silence because of stigma, silence because of shame, silence because people are afraid they won't be believed, silence because they don't want to make other people uncomfortable. And I think the only way some of that begins to change is when people feel safe enough to speak. Lindsay said something today that really stayed with me. It's okay not to be okay. And I think that applies to so much of what we talked about. Mental health, trauma, domestic violence, sexual assault, PTSD, asking for help. None of those things make someone weak. And none of them should have to be carried in silence. And I also want to say this because I think it's important. If anything in today's conversation brought something up for you personally, please take care of yourself. Step away if you need to, talk to someone you trust, reach out for professional support. You do not have to process things alone. And I'm really grateful to Lindsay for using her voice to remind people of that. I'll include information about I Stand to End the Stigma in Lindsay's page in the episode description so you can learn more about what she's doing and follow her work. And before I go, the question I want to leave you with today is what would change if we stopped asking why didn't they leave and start asking what made it so hard to leave? I think that one shift alone creates a lot more compassion. Thanks for hanging out with me today. If this conversation meant something to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it. Until next time, keep asking good questions, keep being curious, and most importantly, keep showing up as yourself. This is Unfiltered with Love. I'm your host, Carrie Love, and I'll see you next week.